A week after "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" -during which I actually enjoyed getting to sing and dance and swear all I wanted in public along with about fifty other people; and I loved seeing Kate in sexy, black, lace lingerie-, Kate tells me that the BDSM bar she spoke to me about a few months ago is going to have another shibari event, and she asks me if I want to go this time. ("Some friends of mine are going with their subs," she tells me. "If you go, I'll want you to talk to them, get to know how they interact with their doms differently." "Why?" "Because I feel like I'm trapping you here, and I think it's important that you understand the other ways that subs are treated by their doms.")
Still, she bought me this little, dark blue, leather bracelet that she wants me to wear. ("To let the other doms know that you're taken without you having to tell them. Just be thankful I'm not making you wear a collar," she'd smirked as she snapped it around my wrist.) The club is called "freeDOM", and I don't get the joke until Kate points it out to me. The building is short but wide, with thin dark blue and red-tinted windows and thumping music from inside. There's a line outside like a regular club you'd expect from a movie or something, but Kate walks right up to the huge, muscley, bald bouncer and flashes him a card, and he lets us in.
"How'd you do that?" I ask her.
"I'm a member," she tells me as we walk through a red padded hallway. "I always get right in."
She opens a door at the end of the short hallway, and suddenly it's like everything is just loud music and talking and muffled shouting and whips and people hanging from harnesses and people bent over things while getting smacked with riding crops and that man is crawling on his hands on knees and being led with a collar and a leash and fuck, I don't belong here.
"Hey, hey, it's ok, baby, you're ok," Kate coos into my ear over the loud club music, wrapping her arm around me tight. "I'm right here. I'm not gonna let anyone touch you."
I bury my nose in her hair, trying to block out the smell of cigarettes and lube and God knows what else and just breathe in her cocoa butter shampoo. "Don't let go."
"Shh, I'm right here. C'mon. The shibari show isn't for another fifteen minutes, so we have time to find my friends." She leads me around the huge room, sometimes pausing to watch something, and I'm glad when it's things like a woman making love to a man with a strap-on or a woman being spanked by another woman. Things that don't look too scary. Finally, we reach a small table in the back. Two women, a young man, and another woman, are all sitting and wave when they see us. I blink when I see the young man has a black collar around his neck and no shirt on. The woman next to him, with long, brown hair, has a bracelet similar to mine on her wrist, only hers is thicker and white.
"Fucking finally!" a woman with spiky blonde hair and an athletic frame shouts. "Was beginning to worry you two were starting a scene!"
Kate chuckles and arranges us so I'm sitting in-between her and the young man. "Nope! Zoe is mine and mine alone!"
Another woman with ear-length red hair and a slightly bulkier frame laughs. "So possessive, Kate! I swear! You never change!" She turns to me then. "She's like this with all her stuff, too! Never lets anyone borrow her books!"
"You know I don't let anyone touch my babies!" Kate laughs. "Except Zoe, 'cause Zoe has to clean them."
"No, it's because she's special," the blonde woman teases.
"Shut up. Anyway, Zoe, meet my lovely ladies, Jeanie and Hannah," Kate tells me, pointing to the redhead and blonde respectively. "And to your right are their adorable partners and subs, Adam and Kara. Are they on a 'no-talking' rule for the moment? Usually Adam can't keep his mouth shut."
"Yeah, Adam isn't allowed to talk all night, and Kara is only allowed to speak when spoken to," Hannah smiles. "Isn't that right, Kara?"
The brunette's cheeks turn pink as she nods. "Yes, ma'am."
"Good girl," Hannah tells her, and I swallow at the familiar words.
Kate runs her hand over my shoulder. "Mind if I let Zoe ask them some questions about how you guys interact? I want her to get more...connected with others."
"Go right ahead," Jeanie smiles.
"Kara needs another girl friend," Hannah adds. "The rule isn't lifted, by the way."
"Oh, yeah, still only talk when spoken to. Especially you, Adam. Kate and I know how much of a mouth you have when you let it go off."
Adam snorts and plays with his collar, and Kate reaches behind me and pulls on his ear. "You sassy little shit."
Hannah checks her watch. "Oh, guess the talking'll have to wait. The show's gonna start in a few."
"All right!" Jeanie cheers, clapping her hands.
Kate leans in close to my ear. "That main stage in front of us is where they're going to perform. They're going to tie up a few models, maybe suspend them from the hooks. People are going to take pictures. It's a very big event to have shibari night here."
"How long is it?" I ask her.
"It's probably going to be two hours or so," she tells me. "Depending on how intricate the knots and patterns are, and how long they leave the models suspended. This is more for show than for the pleasure of the sub."
A few minutes later, a man and woman walk out onto the stage. The man is fully clothed in jeans and a plain black t-shirt, but the woman is only wearing nude panties. I realize the thumping club music is much quieter, and that a lot of the people who were watching other "scenes" are now settling into tables and chairs around the stage. Kate was right; this is a big deal. I watch as the woman kneels down with her hands behind her back, and the man walks over to a brown chest on the side of the stage and pulls out a long bundle of dark blue rope. A shiver runs down my back; that's the colour that Kate usually uses on me. She says it looks beautiful on my pale skin, and I love it when she calls me beautiful.
The man has obviously done this before; maybe this is his girfriend. He easily ties knots and patterns around her breasts, criss-crossing over her stomach, around her hips, down one leg, even tying one of her thighs and shins together so her leg is bent. Then he brings the rest of the rope behind her and knots her wrists and hands, even her fingers, and I wonder how that even works.
"Does that feel good? Doing her fingers?" I ask Kate.
"If it's done right," she tells me, gently taking my hands. "It's like when I play with your fingers. You like that, don't you?" she smiles, weaving her fingers with mine and sending more shivers down my spine. I nod my head, remembering she asked me a question. "I'll check the book and see if there's a pattern for your hands," she chuckles before kissing my knuckles.
The man carefully angles the woman up for pictures, though her eyes are mostly closed, probably lost in the bliss of the pattern. Or maybe she likes the attention. Or both.
"Why do people like to do it in front of everyone else?" I ask.
"For various reasons," Kate whispers in my ear, sending all kinds of tingles through me. "Doms feed off the power play. They like to show off what's theirs, what others can't have. Subs like to feel desired, of course, but in public like this, it's like their dom is showing to the world that they're proud of them. A scene can be played out, where punishments can be dealt, of course, but the main goal is for the dom or sub to please the other. Usually it involves an orgasm."
"But...how does it feel?" I specify. "Like, for a sub?"
"Depends on the scene. Like...if I tied you up for a shibari night and just sent you down into subspace, you might feel less floaty and more full of adrenaline because you're aware that people are watching you. It'll be less relaxing...more...arousing. Your heart will pound, your breathing will get faster, and you'll notice the pattern I put you in more than usual. It'll be tighter, the knots sinking into your skin, pushing against your pressure points."
She runs her hands down my arms and kisses the shell of my ear, giving me a full-body shudder, and I have to bite my lip to hold back a moan. "Fuck, baby, I wanna touch you," she whispers. "Mm, but later. We still have plenty of time."
And so, I have to sit here and watch the other couples come out and get tied up, some naked, some getting suspended, some not. It's actually amazing how these women can get held up like this. I wonder if Kate would want to integrate a suspension hook when we get better at our own shibari? She did tell me, though, that suspension patterns mean less time tied up because it puts much more strain on the one tied up. Still, seeing these women -and even one thin man- being held in the air like that, with only the soft hemp ropes and their dom to watch over them; it makes me wonder how it would make me feel? I always feel like I'm floating when Kate gets me under. Maybe actually floating would make me feel even better.
Soon the show is over and people are simply mingling. I look to Kate to see what she wants to do next, but she simply kisses my temple. "Talk to Adam and Kara. That was the whole point of coming out here."
I try not to show my disappointment at not being able to leave yet. "About what?"
"About anything you want. Questions you have about being a sub. Things you don't quite understand."
I nod my head, knowing I do have questions. "Ok."
She rubs the back of my neck before turning to Hannah and Jeanie. I turn to my fellow subs, my cheeks flushing as Kara smiles sweetly at me, but Adam crosses his arms and bites his lip. "Um, hi," I say awkwardly.
"Hi, Zoe," Kara replies.
I clear my throat and try to relax. She doesn't seem that bad. But Adam just waves at me. Oh, right, they're under rules right now. "So, um, my, uhh, Kate...w-wants me to ask questions about b-being a sub." Great job breaking the ice, Zoe.
But Kara just keeps smiling. "Ask away, Zoe. I know it's confusing, but I'll try to answer as much as I can."
I take a deep breath, glad she's so understanding. "Ok, so...H-How did you know you wanted to be a s-sub?"
She sits back and hums. "Well, it probably started when I was twelve. Me and my friends were watching pornos, and we got to one that had really heavy BDSM stuff in it -like handcuffs, gag, slut-shaming, you name it. I wasn't into it, 'cause I'm a huge feminist and don't like pain at all. But I was wondering why people actually liked that kind of stuff, so I started doing research. That's when I really got into the BDSM world, and I started asking my boyfriends to dominate me in bed."
She shudders and holds herself. "They weren't very...good. At least for me. They were really into holding me down and calling me names and I wasn't into that at all. Even when I told some of them to stop, they kept going." Adam reaches out and rubs her arm. She gives him a grateful smile before going on. "I didn't wanna be a toy, I just wanted someone to take over for a while and let me...not think. I eventually found good partners in college, and then I met Hannah and she just...gets me," she says with a shrug. "We made up a contract, laid out what worked for both of us, and it was all good from there. I love being her sub."
So she didn't just jump into it, she did research, she expiramented. "So, what all are you into?"
She shrugs her shoulders. "I'm really into obeying orders, and getting rewarded for doing a good job. I like being treated like someone who needs constant control and assurance, but praise, y'know? And if I do something wrong, I usually get spanked. I try really hard not to misbehave," she smiles with a light blush. "Our normal days normally involve me doing housework or just doing whatever she's ordered me to do while I do my own schedule."
I nod my head, understanding where she's coming from. "Sounds a lot like what me and Kate do."
Her smile widens. "You should be really lucky to have Kate as your dom. She has a reputation here as one of the nicest doms ever."
"She used to do scenes here," she says. "Even one with me," she blushes.
I swallow down my jealousy. This was before Kate was me. "What was she like?"
"Well, our scene was really simple," she says. "I wasn't really into people watching me, so she took me into one of the back rooms. I really just wanted to be taken care of, y'know? So she didn't even get naked, just put a standard collar on me and touched me and made me feel...wanted." She shivers and sighs. "It was amazing. Then afterward, she held me for a little while, helped me get dressed, then introduced me to Hannah, and I never looked back."
Wow. I knew Kate was a good person, especially when it came to helping subs. But I had no idea she was just...just a saint. I wipe tears from my eyes and smile, proud to be my girlfriend's sub. "So...have any advice for a novice like me?"
She tucks my hair behind my ear. "Trust your dom, but trust your gut more. Don't ever push yourself into something you don't wanna do, and don't let her push yourself into it. And if Adam could talk, I'm sure he'd say to expirament, right, Adam?" He shrugs his shoulders. "Right. He and Jeanie are all into trying new things. But when it comes down to it, he likes getting handcuffed and screwed 'till he can't he see straight," she says with a wink.
I chuckle nervously. "Thanks. It means a lot to be talk to subs with more experience."
"Oh! Here, gimme your number! You can text me about anything! Unless Hannah orders me not to use the phone."
I snicker at that, because that just sounds like something Kate would eventually make me do. So I give her my phone number; Adam declines with a wave of his hand. She tells me he's just not much of a social butterfly. Finally, I turn to Kate, ready to go home. We bid everyone "good-night", and she wraps her arm around my waist and escorts me outside to her car.
"So, whaddyou think, baby? Would you even think about coming back here?" she asks as we drive back home.
I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe not to do a scene. But, to watch another show. That'd be cool."
"Yeah, that would be cool," she smiles. "I'll keep tabs on what's going on."
I smile and squeeze her hand. "Kara told me about what you two did when she came to the club, before you introduced her to Hannah."
She turns bright red. "Aw, shit, she did? God, I just keep sounding more and more like a slut, don't I?"
"No, not at all. I think it's sweet, what you did for her. She sounded like she was having a really rough time and you made her feel really good, maybe in more ways than one, but -well, you know what I mean," I flush when she laughs. "It's just...I keep finding out how much of a good person you are, and I feel like...I don't deserve you."
"Hey, don't even go there, baby," she tells me firmly. "You're right, you don't deserve me. You deserve better."
"What?! No! Kate, Kara told me you're considered the nicest dom at that club."
"And how do you think I got that rep, Zoe?! I was there all the time, doing scenes with any lonely sub looking for a good time."
"So? You made them happy, even for a little while. Is that so wrong?"
She bites her lip, stopping at a red light and rubbing her eyes tiredly. "At the time...I felt like that was all I was good for, making others feel good," she mutters. "No one had ever cared about how I felt...until I met you."
My jaw drops. I had no idea that Kate felt this way. How many people has she pleasured over the years, but not one of them has taken the time to returned the favour? I mean, that must be the way a lot of subs view doms, but really. And now...
"Kate, when we get home, I wanna touch you."
She looks over at me and smiles. "Ok, baby."
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